The Messed Up Saga
by MrTennek
Summary: Join Vegeta and Goku as they embark on a mystical journey involving androids, time travel, sauerkraut, laughing gas, college diplomas, and a whole lot of other crazy crap.
1. Part One

DBZ - The Thingy

Goku - (rummaging through the house) CHICHI! Where's all the sweets around here!

Chichi - I threw them all out the other day Goku. Half of them had expired like five years ago!

Goku - No! That's when they get good! I need my daily sugar high! God, there must be something around here remotely sweet! (finds a huge, industrial sized bag of powdered sugar) Ah, this will do just fine! (swallows all of the sugar in the bag) Ah...Sweet, sweet insulin...AGGHHH!-- (clutches his chest) OH BOY, CHEST PAINS-- NUMBNESS DOWN THE ARM-- DIZZYNESS-- CHICHI...I THINK I'M HAVING A...A...A BIT OF A GAS ATTACK HERE...(collapses to the floor) Uhh...Things going dark...Room spinning...Must...be really bad gas...(passes out)

(hours later at a nearby 'discount' hospital)

Krillin - Tell me Doctor, is he going to live!

Man - Sir, for the last time, I'm only the janitor here; I DON'T KNOW!

Krillin - DAMNIT DOCTOR, JUST GIVE ME THE TRUTH!

Man - SECURITY, GET THIS CRAZY MIDGET OFFA ME!

Doctor - Ah, Mrs. (looks through his papers)...'No last name listed'...Okay...

Chichi - Are you the doctor for my husband?

Doctor - Yes, my name is Doctor Affenschwance.

Krillin - (gasps) You mean the famed Doctor Affenschwance of 'Preparation A.S.S.'?

Doctor - The one and the only! Now, to answer your question Ms. Chichi, you're husband suffered a massive sugar-induced anaphylactic stroke. His brain and body both suffered extreme amounts of damage, but by some miracle, he managed to survive.

Chichi - (sniffing) Is he going to be alright?

Doctor - Well, it's too early to say for any certainty, but I have my doubts that the damage done to your husband's body will ever go away. He will probably be bound to a wheelchair for the rest of his life, and be on some sort of life support system.

Chichi - (crying) Oh God...Goku...

Doctor - With a lot of hard work and some luck, Mr. Goku will probably be able to lead a decent life by himself. Though,  
I can't really promise anything 100 percent.

Krillin - Can...Can he hear us right now?

Doctor - Yes, I believe he's partially conscious at the moment. You can try talking to him if you want.

Krillin - Okay. (walks up to Goku) Hey Goku, old buddy...I just wanted to say to you...WHERE THE HELL IS THAT $50 YOU OWED ME FOR LAST WEEK YOU BASTARD! You know, I have been patient; in fact, extremely patient-- but enough is enough! I want my Goddamned money now, or I'm gonna start crackin' some skulls here!

Chichi - Krillin, that's enough! Goku needs his rest!

Krillin - But Chichi, he still owe's me $50 for that stupid mega-sized hotdog he bought last week at the county fair! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DEBT THAT THING PUT ME IN!

Doctor - $50 dollars worth?

Krillin - I-- ...(long silence) (pulls out a steel pipe from nowhere and starts beating Goku with it) GIVE ME MY FING MONEY YOU BRAINDEAD BUGGER!

Doctor - Security!

(two guards come in and drag Krillin out)

Krillin - YOU'RE A DEAD MAN GOKU-- A DEAD MAN! (gets dragged out)

Doctor - Well now, I'm sure with friends like that at his side, your husband will recover in no time!

(later on, at Goku's house)

Goku - (in a coma with an IV drip in his arm)

Chichi - Now Gohan, I'm going to go out for the next few hours to pick up some groceries. I want you to stay here and look after your father while I'm gone. And I mean it! No goofing around or any silly business, just do as I say, alright?

Gohan - Okay mom.

Chichi - (leaves)

Gohan - (glances over at Goku) Wow, that's sure a lot of stuff they've got him on. I wonder what goes through this tube?  
(pulls a tube out of Goku's mouth and starts inhaling the fumes) Euuuughhhh, man this stuff is weird...(keeps inhaling the fumes) Oh yeah, that's nice...(inhales some more)

(two hours later)

Chichi - Alright, Gohan I'm back-- (gasps in horror)

Gohan - (still inhaling the fumes) Oh yeah, this is some good sht here...

Goku - (gasping for air violently)

Chichi - GOHAN!

Gohan - Huh, wha! (looks over at Chichi in a trance) Jesus Mom, why do you have a rainbow coloured baboon on top of your head!

Chichi - Give me that thing! (takes the tube from Gohan) This is your father's painkiller tube; Not for you to be inhaling!

Gohan - Man, what a buzz-kill! I'm gonna go take a nap now. (collapses and goes into shock from the fumes)

Chichi - Well now Goku, I've just spent the last hour picking up all sorts of wonderful things for you, to help you get better!  
I've got some herbs here, some vitamins, some...I don't know what the hell this is but it was 50 off and I never put down a discount...and uh...Oh yeah! I even brought you some pureed baloney to feed to you through your IV tube!

Goku - (in a coma) Ba...Ba...Baloney?...

Chichi - That's right dear.

Goku - (comatose) Did...Did you say baloney?...

Chichi - Yes I did.

Goku - (slurred) GIVE ME THAT! (grabs the can of creamed baloney from Chichi and starts chugging it like mad)

Chichi - Now-- Now take it easy! Don't drink that stuff too fast, you're gonna get a stomach ache!

Goku - I NEED MY MYSTERY MEAT! (continues chugging the liquified meat) (finishes the can) More-- More-- MORE!

Chichi - What-- That's all I brought home Gok--

Goku - I SAID MORE!

Chichi - Good Lord, you sure have seemed to have gotten your strength back! Okay, I'll go see what I can do. (leaves)

Goku - No...No, don't leave me!...I CRAVE SUSTINANCE!

Gohan - (still high) Here man, try some of this. (sticks the tube in Goku's mouth)

Goku - (inhales the painkillers) Oh God...I'm seeing the leprechauns again! THEY'VE COME TO STEAL MY SOUL!  
(starts screaming and flailing uncontrollably)

Gohan - No man, just embrace it. Embrace the funk!

(meanwhile at Vegeta and Bulma's house)

Vegeta - (reading a newspaper)

Bulma - (painting her nails)

Vegeta - Huh, gas prices are up again.

Bulma - Hmm, gotta stop driving the car around so much then, I guess.

Vegeta - You got that right! (continues reading his paper)

(back at Goku's house)

Chichi - Alright Goku, I'm back with some more balo--...

Goku - (flailing around crazily like a madman) THE SHELAILEES! HOW THEY HURT!

Gohan - Man, those leprachauns gotta chill bro! Give 'em some of this 'sedative' stuff and maybe it'll help.

Chichi - Alright, that's it! I am taking this gas away from BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW! (pulls the tube out of the ventilating machine, accidentally spilling the laughing gas all over the room in the process) Oh God...That can't be good...

(back at Vegeta and Bulma's house)

Vegeta - (still reading the paper)

Bulma - (still painting her nails)

Vegeta - Wow, would you look at that: pork roast on sale for only $5.99 at the local supermarket!

Bulma - Wow, that's pretty good. You oughta head over there tomorrow and pick one up for dinner!

Vegeta - You bet I will! I could never put down a deal like that on a good old fashioned pork r--

(loud knocking on the door)

Bulma - What on Earth...Who could be knocking this late at night!

Vegeta - Agh, I'll go see who it is. Probably those punks from 'Jehova's Witness' again! I'll show 'em what eternel suffering and damnation really is! (opens the door and sees Chichi, Gohan, and a comatose Goku standing outside) What in hell's bell's--

Chichi - (drugged up) Oh hey there Vegeta. Do you mind if we spend the night here at your place? You see, our house is kind of overrun and rampant with ornery leprechauns at the moment, and Goku here needs a place to...to...What is it you need to do again dear?

Goku - (out of it) I gotta let out the old toss pot if you know what I'm mean, heh-heh, heh-heh!

Gohan - (drooling)

Vegeta - ...(slams the door in all of their faces)

Bulma - Who was that Vegeta?

Vegeta - (sits down) Let's pretend like that never happened. (reads his paper)

(long silence)

(loud flatulent and vomiting noises outside)

Vegeta - What in God's name-- (looks through his blinds outside)

Goku - (outside and...'relieving' himself on the front lawn)

Gohan - (outside and puking all over the grass)

Vegeta - Bulma, go fetch me the waterhose.

(moments later)

Vegeta - (bursts outside with a hose in hand) SUCK ON THIS YOU DRUGGED UP FREAKS! (turns the hose on, but nothing more than a small, pathetically weak burst of water comes out; barely even getting the three wet) Uh--...One moment.  
(goes back inside) I said full power!

Bulma - It is on full power!

Vegeta - No, that's not possible! The flyer said this thing had over 5000 PSU of water pumping capabilites! NOT A PATHETIC TINY LITTLE STREAM! You couldn't even kill an ant with that!

Bulma - Look, what can I tell you, I can't switch it any higher.

Vegeta - Oh, for Jesus-- Fine! Get me the extinguisher then!

Bulma - We don't have that anymore.

Vegeta - What do you mean we don't have it! What happened to it, I bought it just last week!

Bulma - There was a fire in kitchen again, I had to put it out.

Vegeta - You had ANOTHER fire! How many fires can one person start in a month!

Bulma - Well gee Vegeta, I don't know, maybe if you had fixed the friggen gas leak in the oven, we wouldn't have this problem EVERY GODDAMN DAY!

Vegeta - Well, maybe I would, but I don't know the first thing about mechanics!

Bulma - MECHANICS! It's a tiny little hole on a pipe; all you need to do is stick some tape over it to fix it!

Vegeta - Well if it's so easy, then why don't you do it! HUH!

Bulma - Well...I...

Vegeta - Yes?

Bulma - Because my hand cream is flammable! If I put my arm in there, I'd go up in flames!

Vegeta - One could only hope.

Bulma - Oh very funny Vegeta, VERY FUNNY! Need I remind you of what happened the last time I tried doing that...Why I...(continues arguing)

Goku + Chichi + Gohan - (drooling and in a coma)

(Narrator - One hour later...)

Vegeta - ...AND THAT'S WHY I CAN'T USE THE HEATER ANYMORE!

Bulma - Oh yeah, you just always manage to blame all of your little problems on me somehow, eh?

Vegeta - LITTLE! I nearly freeze to death every night because of that LITTLE problem that you--

Author - Ahem. Vegeta? Bulma?

Vegeta + Bulma - Yes?

Author - Uh...The three drugged up freaks on your lawn?

Vegeta - The three dru--? Oh right! Hah, silly me, I completely forgot about them! We'll finish this little arguement of ours later.

Bulma - Count on it.

Vegeta - Now then, where was I? Oh yes! Goku, Chichi, Gohan, what the hell are you all doing at my house, and why are you all high?

Goku - Well now Versace, that's a very good question. I don't exactly know the answer, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with cheese...and some type of meat.

Vegeta - Right...What is it I have to do to get rid of you people?

Gohan - You can go fetch us some more of that funny gas, that's what you can do!

Chichi - No, no, no, Gohan. What we need...Is a...Is a...Is a--

Vegeta - Is a what!

Chichi - Is a-- a-- a-- AAHHHHH--CHOOOOOOOOO! (sneezes all over Vegeta)

Vegeta - (covered in snot and mucus) Wonderful. Just wonderful. Have a good day now.

Bulma - What is all the commotion over here? I-- (sees the three) OH MY GOD! What happened to them!

Vegeta - Do not make eye contact. Just turn around and act as if they're not there. Maybe they'll go away!

Bulma - No Vegeta, we have to let them inside! They'll freeze to death out here if we don't do something!

Vegeta - If you think I'm gonna let three drugged, puke covered up freaks into my house, YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMMING!

Bulma - You'll do it, OR I'LL GO GET THE WATERPIK OUT!

Vegeta - ...(timidly) Yes mam.

(several minutes and puke stains later...)

Bulma - Gohan, Chichi, you two can sit over here on the couch. Goku, since you're quite ill to begin with, you can have Vegeta's armchair for tonight.

Vegeta - Oh-ho-ho no! Nope. No! No way in hell. You can threaten me all you want with that bloody pik of yours, but I am not letting that fat simian of a bastard sit in my personal thrown!

Bulma - Personal thrown! Vegeta, it's a beat up, old, filthy recliner.

Vegeta - IT IS MY THROWN OF ROYALTY!

Bulma - Right. Here Goku, sit right down.

Vegeta - Errrrrggggghhhhhhhhh...

Bulma - Vegeta, why don't you go off and make these three some hot tea or something to calm them all down, huh?

Vegeta - Oh yes! Should I go and prepare them all a personal foot rub while I'm at it?

Bulma - Actually, that's quite a good idea. I've got some lotions and perfumes up in my bathroom cupboard if you want to--

Vegeta - (storms out of the room)

Bulma - Now while he's gone, I'm going to give your Doctor a call Goku. I want to make sure everything is alright with you.

Goku - Okay mommy.

Bulma - Okay now, what is that guy's number?

Goku - You're my mommy.

Bulma - I know I had it written down here somewhere...

Goku - That's why I'm gonna call you mommy.

Bulma - Maybe I have it in my purse or somewhere...

Goku - Mommy Knocklebocker, that's your new name.

Bulma - Or no, I think I stuck it to the fridge.

Goku - Knockle because I...because I...I don't know...

Bulma - Or no wait-- Here it is! Yes, 'Doctor Affenschwance's Personal Discount Hotline'! Lets see now, 1-999-999-999-999-  
9999! (waits for the phone dialing)

Goku - Maybe it's cause I like knockers...or bockers...(belches)

Bulma - Hello, Mr. Schwance?

Doctor - Ah yes, who is calling?

Bulma - This is Miss Briefs; I believe we've spoken before, I'm one of Mr. Goku's...uh...'special care-takers'...

Doctor - Ah yes! I remember you! What can I do for you Bulma?

Bulma - Well...Goku showed up here and he's not doing too well I can tell you...(continues talking)

Vegeta - (re-enters the room carrying a platter with cups on it) Here. Here is your frickin' tea that I had to break my back over making! So drink up!

Chichi - What...What type of tea is it?...

Vegeta - Sweet camomile...Asian green...Apricote delight-- I don't f'ing know, just drink the Goddamned stuff! What do you people take me for, a f'in' tea-guru! (serves the tea and sits down) Uggghhhh...What a night...

(long silence)

Goku - Vegeta...

Vegeta - What...

Goku - ...I got 'poots'...

Vegeta - 'Poots'? What the hell are 'poots'.

Goku - (starts chuckling)Heh heh heh heh...Poots on your armchair!

Vegeta - What are you-- (smells something rotten) Oh no you didn't. NO YOU DIDN'T!

Bulma - (still on the phone) Uh, one moment Doctor, I have to deal with something here-- Vegeta, what is the problem now!

Vegeta - He crapped on my f'ing armchair, THAT'S WHAT!

Bulma - Oh for God's sake Vegeta, he's not a well man!

Vegeta - Yeah, you could say that again! And he's about to get a lost worse! (prepares to blast Goku away)

Bulma - (pulls a waterpik out of nowhere and blasts Vegeta in the face)

Vegeta - AAGGGGHHHH-- MY FOREHEAD! (collapses in pain)

Bulma - Now then Doctor, where were we?

Doctor - Yes. What I was about to tell you is that Mr. Goku needs to have his colon cleansed every five hours due to the fact that his bowels are no longer functional. Aside from that, just feed him his usual pills and give him lots of liquids.

Bulma - Um...A colon cleansing?

Doctor - Yes, that is correct.

Bulma - All...Alright? Thanks for your help...

Doctor - Certainly!

Bulma - (hangs up)

Doctor - Huh, something about that whole colon part didn't sound right...Oh well, it never hurts to get the old poop-shoot cleaned! (laughs maniacally for no reason whatsoever)

Bulma - Oh Vegeeeeeeeeeeta?

Vegeta - (holding his forehead tenderly) What is it now woman...

Bulma - Could you do me a little favour?

Vegeta - I'm bleeding bad here! I think you punctured my cranium or something! What could be more important than that!

Bulma - You still have those gloves for handling toxic waste, don't you?

Vegeta - Yeah, they're in the garage, why?

Bulma - (starts laughing evily)

(twenty minutes and one colon cleansing later)

authors note: you didn't actually think I was going to write and describe the colon scene did you!...No, no, I still have SOME decency...Not a lot, but SOME nonetheless! ;)

Vegeta - Well now, if you'll all excuse me for the next half hour, I am going to submerse myself in a vat of bleach and industrial strength acids. (leaves)

Goku - Oh man...I think that funny gas is startin' to wear off finally...

Chichi - Yeah, me too...

Bulma - How're you all feeling now?

Goku - Oh, I'm okay and all, but I had this really weird dream that I was getting fisted up the ass by Vegeta in some old dingy garage...Man, talk about freaky!

Bulma - Uh, yeah...Real weird...

Chichi - Well, at least this whole ordeal is finally over...

Gohan - You can say that again!

(long silence)

(suddenly, a huge spaceship goes flying into Vegeta and Bulma's house; blowing a gigantic hole into it and totally demolishing it in the process)

Vegeta - (emerges from his 'bleach' bath in the bathroom) (sees the huge ship and his destroy house)...Oh good...

Goku - (dramatically) What is the meaning of this intrusion!

Evil Android - (emerges from the starship menacingly)

Goku - Gasp! Who be you?

Evil Android - I am a cybernetic android from the year 2000 who has come here to assassinate you all!

Goku - But...But it's already the year 2005...

Evil Android - Oh...Oh, it is?

Gohan - Uh-huh.

Evil Android - You certain about that?

Goku - Sure are.

Evil Android - Oh. Wow, this is really embarassing, heh...Uh, I guess I'll be on my way then...

Bulma - I guess so.

Evil Android - Uh, sorry about demolishing your house and all, I hope you guys had homeowners insurance or something.

Vegeta - No, no we don't.

Evil Android - You don't? Oh, well then, allow me to introduce myself: Nick Android; insurance salesman!

Chichi - Wha-- Hold on just a minute. Didn't you just finish explaining that you were a cybernetic assassin from the year 2000 who came to kill us all!

Evil Android - Uh...I work...I work two jobs...Gotta make ends meet, ya know? Being an android in the year 2000 isn't exactly easy!

Goku - I see! So how much do you charge for insurance there my metallic malignant beast of the past!

Evil Android - I've got superb prices all around! If you'll all just take a look in briefcase which I so conviently have right in my hands as we speak, you can choose whichever excellent plan you wish!

Vegeta - (looks through the papers) Wow, these are some good deals!

Bulma - I'll say! Do you accept cash or credit card?

Evil Android - Either or mam. (smiles)

Vegeta - Here, we'll take the $600 one. Here's the money. (hands the android 600 bucks)

Evil Android - Thank you sir, and I bid you farewell! (vanishes along with his ship)

(long silence)

Vegeta - So then...How exactly are we supposed to get this insurance now?

Bulma - I don't know, you probably should have asked that android before he vanished into thin air.

Vegeta - ...

Goku - Heh, you just got screwed over Vegertti!

Vegeta - Well, this sure has proven to be an interesting day. I've had to endure being around three drugged up freaks for hours on end, I had to perform a colon cleansing on Kakarott, and now I got scammed out of money by an android from the past. Hmm, things can't get much worse can they?

Bulma - Oh God, you shouldn't have said that Vegeta...

Author - Mwuahahahahahaha...(flips a switch)

(long silence)

Vegeta - ?

Author - Uh...(flips the switch again)

(silence)

Goku - ?

Author - Goddamnit, work! (flips the switch yet again)

(silence)

Author - Oh for Christ's sake, I'm gonna have to call a mechanic down here or something, this switch isn't even budging!

Chichi - Try using some oil or something maybe.

Author - Good idea. (runs off and fetches a canister of oil) Here goes nothing...(oils the switch) Alright, here we go again; cross your fingers. (flips the switch again) (sparks start shooting out of the switch and whatever it's attached to) OH CHRIST-- (the whole thing blows up in his face, killing him instantly)

Gohan - Uh oh! With no author, who will finish this story!

Goku - OH THE HUMANITY!

Narrator - How will this incredibly inane story end! Will UltraVegeta somehow manage to come back from the dead and finish it! Will Vegeta ever get his money back from the android insurance salesman from the past! Will Goku ever recover from his horrid illness! Will I ever shut the f up! Tune in next week for the thrilling conclusion to, 'DBZ - The Thingy--

Author - No, hold on a minute, I'm alright here! (gets up) I'm okay! I can finish the story!

Narrator - Oh. Well then, nevermind. (leaves and gets a drink)

Author - Uh, yeah...Anyways...Back to whatever the hell it was that was happening...(continues typing)

Chichi - Right...Uh, what was happening?

Goku - Oh, you mean before the whole 'switch' incident.

Chichi - Yeah.

Goku - I...I really don't remember...Vegeta, Bulma, do you?

Bulma - I think something bad was going to happen to us again. But now...since the author's 'switch of bad-luck' is broken,  
that's obviously not going to happen.

Gohan - So what do we do now?

Piccolo - (from nowhere) DANCE!

(bad 80's pop music starts playing, and a disco ball somehow appears in the room)

(everyone starts dancing to disco)

Author - Uh...I guess this is the end of the story...Don't know really what to say...Except, I am so deeply sorry for making you read this steaming pile of shite. Anywho, I'd also like to say--

Piccolo - DANCE!

Author - Oh, what the hell! (starts dancing along)

THE END! (or is it? I really don't freaking know...)

And teh moril of tordays storie iz: Don't eat lots of sugar cause you might end up getting ripped off by an android from the past and having to dance to bad disco!

-(UPDATE!)-

On the next riveting installment of 'The Thingy', Vegeta travels through time in a race against the clock to get his money back from the android insurance scam-artist! 


	2. Part Two

DBZ - The Messed Up Saga - Chapter 2: Back to the Past!

Narrator - Previously on 'The Thingy', a bunch of stupid shit happened. Go back and read it if you can't remember you f'ing buggers! And now, as we leave off in complete disregard to continuity and good writing, Vegeta is about to travel through time in a race against the clock to get his $600 bucks back from the scam-artist android insurance salesman!

(at Vegeta's house)

Bulma - Don't do it Vegeta! It's too dangerous! You'll get yourself killed!

Vegeta - I have to Bulma. The fate of the world rests on my shoulders; I must go!

Gohan - Wow, this script is sure is dramatic...Especially considering that all he's going to do is beat the crap out of some poor robot and steal his money.

Author - Oh, you think THAT'S dramatic? Try this. (hits a button)

Goku - (suddenly runs up to Vegeta and latches onto him) No! You cannot leave me my lover! I cannot spend another day on this wretched Earth not at your side, as I fear that I may wither away and die!

Gohan - I stand corrected.

Vegeta - Kakarott, get off of me! This time machine is going to kick in any sec-- (him and Goku dissappear)

Krillin - Huh. That can't be good.

Bulma - Wha-- Krillin, how did you get in our house!

Krillin - I...I used the back window?

Bulma - (into a walkie-talkie) Security.

Krillin - Oh sh-- (gets tasered about 100 times)

(meanwhile, in the YEAR 2000! (cough) Ahem...)

Goku + Vegeta - (suddenly appear in some random area)

Goku - Oh man, my noggin'! What a funky journey that was!

Vegeta - Well great, I'm stuck in the past with Kakarott. That's just what I've always wanted.

Goku - Well Vegeta, like they always say, there's no use crying over slim pickins.

Vegeta - ...Right...

Goku - So where off to? Where do we find this devious android!

Vegeta - Well, common sense would indicate that he'd be trying to sell insurance to new homeowner's at the moment. And according to my knowledge, there's a new townhome development nearby! That would be our best bet Kakarott; let's head over there. (flies off)

Goku - (flies after Vegeta but gets a bug in the eye) OH GOD! OH, I THINK I JUST GOT SOME KIND OF BUG IN MY EYE!  
EWWWWWW, GROSS! Augh, I got bug guts all over my face now! Jesus Christ, this is disgusting! Oh, and my eye is stinging real bad now, I hope that wasn't some kind of poisonous bug or something! Oh geez, I think I'm gonna have to go to a clinic and get this checked out real fa--

Vegeta - (incinerates Goku's one eye)

Goku - (screams in agony and clutches his face)

Vegeta - No eye, no problem.

(20 minutes later, at the real-estate development)

Vegeta - Alright, here we are. (notices a man dressed in uniform) Ah, that guy looks like the right person to talk to. Let's go. (approaches the man) Sir.

Work-Guy - How can I help you?

Vegeta - I--

Goku - Well, my buddy here got ripped off in the year 2005 by an android who claimed to be selling home-owners insurance who supposedly came from the year 2000, so we both travelled back in time and...yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Work-Guy - Oh...I see...Okay...Uh...What can I do for you two then?

Vegeta - We're looking for an insurance salesman of yours. He's about 7 feet tall, has a low metallic voice, is crafted entirely out of what appears to be iron, and is an android.

Work-Guy - Oh yeah, that guy! He usually works the western front, but at around this time he's off eating lunch at the nearby Central Cafe.

Goku - (gasps) Android's eat lunch!

Work-Guy - Well...Yeah...(laughs) What's with this guy?

Vegeta - Don't ask. Come on Kaka, let's go. (grabs Goku and vanishes)

Work-Guy - Huh.

(long silence)

Work-Guy - That was strange.

(at the Cafeteria)

Vegeta - Here we are, the Surrey Central Cafe.

Goku - Vegeta...

Vegeta - What.

Goku - Can I get something to eat? I haven't had any grub since yesterday, and I need my fat and sodium fix!

Vegeta - Let me see if I have enough money to compensate for your immense, endless appetite. (looks through his wallet) Alright,  
we've got $360 left. That should be enough to order you an appetizer of some sort. Go knock yourself out.

Goku - Alrighty! (takes the wallet and runs off)

(moments later)

Goku - (comes running back to Vegeta with a corn-dog in hand) Ah, all I could get is this stupid little hotdog!

Vegeta - What-- There was nearly $400 in that thing! And that's all you could order!

Goku - Well gee Vegeta, they don't accept Euros here!

Vegeta - Euros! I-- (looks in his wallet) How the hell did we end up with a bunch of Euros?

Goku - Well, why're you looking at me--

Vegeta - Because you're the only one capable of doing something so utterly stupid and mind-boggling.

Goku - Well...You see, earlier when we split up, I kind of went off to a fast-food joint cause I was mighty hungry!

Vegeta - And how does this correlate to my having a bunch of worthless Euro's.

Goku - Well you see, I wanted to order some Sauerkraut, and I only assumed that to do so I would have to purchase it in German currency. So I went off to the bank, exchanged our money, went back and tried to buy it...I...I was then informed that they only accepted US funds...

Vegeta - (smacks his face and rubs it)

Goku - But hey, money's money right?

Vegeta - What are we going to do with a bunch of Euros in North America; you tell me.

Goku - ...Order Sauerkraut--?

Vegeta - (takes Goku's corndog and rams it into his one eye)

Goku - (takes a lick of the corndog) Hmm! The retinal fluid kind of adds a nice zest to it!

Vegeta - Alright then. While you eat that bloody dog of yours, I'm going to sit here and wait for that android to show up.

(6 hours later)

Goku - ...

Vegeta - ...

(extremely long silence)

Goku - ...I wonder when that android is gonna show up--

Vegeta - HE'S NOT GOING TO! WE'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR SIX FING HOURS-- MY ASS IS SO SORE THAT I CAN FEEL THE INDIVIDUAL BLISTERS THAT'RE ALL OVER IT! THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!

Goku - So then, what's the plan now Vege-boy? How're we gonna catch that android?

Vegeta - I'm not entirely sure my braindead comrade, but I think it would be a good bet if we checked out the nearby--

Krillin - (comes barging in) STOP! (smashes a cafeteria counter open) IT'S PEOPLE! THE CHICKEN CAESER SALAD IS PEOPLE! (tastes the salad) No wait. Maybe it's shake and bake. Sorry!

People in the Cafeteria - (sweatdrop)

Vegeta - ...

Work-Man - (enters the Cafeteria) Hello, I'll have one chicken sandwich and a side of fr-- (sees Goku and Vegeta) Oh, hello again!  
Any luck with finding Gerry?

Vegeta - Gerry? Who--

Work-Man - That android guy you two were after!

Vegeta - What-- The android we're after is called 'Nick', not 'Gerry'!

Man - Oh, Nick the Android! Hah, I thought you were talking the other one!

Vegeta - What-- You're meaning to tell me that you have more than one android working for you!

Man - Well yeah, it's cheap labour you know.

Vegeta - (wipes his face frustratedly) And where does this 'other' android work then?

Man - Well, in the afternoon he sells insurance for us, but later in the day, like now, he works as a bus driver at the local bus terminal. I believe he drives the #16.

Vegeta - Alright. Kakarott, let's go; go to the bus ter--

Goku - (ordering a chili-dog from a nearby vendor) What-- I SAID LOTS OF HOT-SAUCE YOU DOLT! DON'T BE STINGY!

Vendor Guy - But sir, I can't add any more, it's already filled to the brim-

Goku - MORE DAMN YOU!

Vegeta - Why is it wherever I go with Kakarott, something absolutely retarded always happens.

Goku - (strangling the vendor and screaming about hot-sauce)

(later on at the bus terminal)

Goku - Okily dokily! The bus terminal! Ah, the terminal of buses. The buses at the terminal. The terminal of bussing. The bus--

Vegeta - SHUT...UP!

Goku - ...Okay, I just like buses, that's all...

Vegeta - Now then, we need to get on #16 and wait for this bastard to show up. Kakarott, hand me that bag of spare change I gave you earlier.

Goku - Uh...Yeah...That bag is kind of gone...

Vegeta - ...What do you mean 'kind of gone'?

Goku - Well...I kind of...I kind of spent all of the change on some jujubes you see, cause my mouth was mighty dry! (laughs nervously)

Vegeta - So then...What's your plan to get us on the bus.

Goku - Well, I hadn't really thought that far ahead at the time--

Vegeta - (laughs angrily) I don't care what it takes; if you've gotta work the streets or dance for dimes; YOU'RE GETTING THAT CHANGE BACK, SO HELP ME GOD!

Goku - Fine! I'll go get my whoring outfit...

Vegeta - Kakarott, I was only joking when I said-- Oh nevermind, let him have his fun. (laughs evilly)

(one hour and lots of whoring later)

Goku - (returns in a dress and covered in...um...let's just skip that part...) Alright Vegeta, I got you your change!

Vegeta - Great job Kaka. You got it in the right currency, right!

Goku - Hah, very funny.

Vegeta - Alright, let's catch this bitch. (hops on the nearby bus)

Goku - (wearily hops on too, but his dress gets caught under one of the wheels)

(inside the bus)

Bus Driver - Hello, my name is Eddie VonBratenhauer, and I will be your bus driver for tonight. Everyone please step away from the doors and take a seat, the bus is about to take off.

Vegeta - (sits down)

Goku - (tries to sit down but notices that his dress is caught) Uh, Vegeta...

Vegeta - Not now...

Bus Driver - Is everyone seated and buckled in?

Everyone in the Bus Except for Goku - Yes!

Goku - Uh...Little bit of a problem here--

Bus Driver - Then let's be off! (starts driving the buss)

Goku - (his dress gets ripped off by the moving wheels, rendering him totally naked) (shrieks and covers his...man jujubes...)

(ten minutes and one forced removal from a bus later)

Vegeta - Well that's great Kakarott. Not only did you get us forcefully removed from a bus due to indecent exposure, but now we have to go to court tomorrow to face charges!

Goku - Yeah. I'm sure glad that old lady was nice enough to lend me her blouse.

Vegeta - Kakarott, you clocked her out and then stole it.

Goku - Meh, same thing.

Vegeta - So then, we're going to have to catch yet another bus now, AND we used up all of our change on the last one! Ready to do some more 'special favours' Kaka?

Goku - No, no, no! No more whoring for me! I'll-- I'll go trade something for some money or...something...(leaves)

Vegeta - Fine. But don't give away anything important!

Goku - (long gone)

Vegeta - Ah Christ, why did I just let him go do that?

Goku - (returns to the area)

Vegeta - Alright, you're back. Tell me you were able to trade something for some change.

Goku - I sure was!

Vegeta - ...Okay...What was it?

Goku - Oh, nothing important! It was just some old rusting metallic device that was inside of our bag, with the words:  
'DO NOT TOUCH OR THROW AWAY' imprinted on it!

(extremely long silence)

Vegeta - (mortified) You...You sold our time-machine?...

Goku - Yeah, and it wasn't exactly for change...It was...more of a bag of peanuts...

Vegeta - You traded our time machine for a bag of peanuts.

Goku - Correction: Honey-glazed peanuts!

Vegeta - (slowly approaches Goku and clenches his fist)

Goku - Oh God, you're gonna hit me aren't you?

Vegeta - (nods and continues walking up to him)

Goku - In...In the face?

Vegeta - (nods again)

Goku - On my nose?

Vegeta - (continues)

Goku - Really hard?

Vegeta - (clocks Goku in the face)

(minutes and one pounding headache later)

Goku - (rubbing his head) Well look on the bright side Vegeta, we can always build another one!

Vegeta - BULMA BUILT IT! DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE A DEGREE IN PHYSICS TO YOU!

Goku - That's it! I'll go to nearby University and get a degree in physics! Then, I can build us a new time machine and we can go back to our original time!

Vegeta - What in the f--

Goku - See ya later! (runs off)

Vegeta - --uck?...

(six years later)

Goku - (comes running in with a big graduation hat and uniform on) I DID IT VEGETA, I DID IT! I GOT MY DIPLOMA!

Vegeta - Well that's great Kakarott. It only took you SIX FING YEARS TO DO IT!

Goku - Well yeah I know, but hey, at least we can go back to the year 200--

Vegeta - Kakarott you sht for brains, it's the year 2006 now! While you were off getting your 'education', our original timeline passed-- Not to mention that you missed your court date, which I'm still trying to avoid the cops because of!

Goku - I've got it! We'll travel back in time 6 years to right before I went off to get my diploma, and then we'll tell myself in the year 2000 the formula for time-travel, and then we and the clone can go back to our original time! How's that sound!

Vegeta - Or, why don't we just do that right now...without all of the unnessesary crap you--

Goku - No, we're doing it my way. (grabs Vegeta and transports through it)

(a great deal of time later back in the present...I mean the future...I mean the past...I mean-- oh fck it!)

Chichi - Well Goku and Vegeta, regardless of the fact that neither of you achieved anything whatsoever by travelling back in time--

Goku - Except for my diploma, you can't forget about that.

Chichi - ...Yeah...Like I was saying; regardless of that, I'm just glad that the two of you made it back here in one piece.

Bulma - Yeah.

Vegeta - Well, you've got a point there. At least we're both finally back...

Goku - Yeah...(feels through his pockets) Ah! Oh, silly me! Seems that android left that insurance in my one pocket all along,  
and...and (starts laughing) I totally forgot about it! Oh, how stupid! Isn't that funny, eh Vegeta? We went through all that crap, and all along I had the very thing we were after in my pocket. Why, it's so stupid that I--

Vegeta - (grabs Goku and tosses him into the sun)

Goku - WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (gets incinerated)

Audience - (laughs and applauds)

Vegeta - (grabs and throws the entire audience into the sun)

Author - Uh, Vegeta, you might want to lay off the throwing into the sun thing--

Vegeta - (grabs and throws the entire planet into the sun)

Author - Oh shi--

THE END!

AND ZE MORAL OF TODAYZ STORY IZ: DON'T LOSE INSURANCE IN YOUR POCKET BECAUSE YOU MIGHT GET THROWN INTO THE SUN!

(authors note: I know what you're thinking, only two chapters, not much of a saga, but...you know me...a total cheap-  
ass...hehehehehehehehe...heh...heh...eh...agh...) 


End file.
